Acts 2:16-21 NKJV

[16] But this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: [17] ‘And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams. [18] And on My menservants and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit in those days; And they shall prophesy. [19] I will show wonders in heaven above And signs in the earth beneath: Blood and fire and vapor of smoke. [20] The sun shall be turned into darkness, And the moon into blood, Before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord. [21] And it shall come to pass That whoever calls on the name of the Lord Shall be saved.’

I have never questioned God's existence. Even at my worst, I always knew about God. I just chose to act like He wasn't a part of my existence. He is there even when we overlook Him. It has never been about His availability. It is whether or not we make ourselves available to Him.

I am a naturally selfish person. I am arrogant and prideful. I want things my way... that is not how God operates. God doesn't pour His spirit out on the proud. He doesn't seek to use people who are self-centered or self-serving. He doesn't reveal Himself to or speak through those of us who focus on me instead of He.

I have wanted for many things. I have been in debt and in addiction for selfish reasons. I have gone out of my way to ruin myself for the sake of selfish desires and foolish pride. All of those things have left me helpless, hopeless, and unfulfilled. I had to have a REAL experience with God to understand how miserable I was.

I don't know what God has for me, but I want every bit of it. I want to be available for His work. I want to be moldable to His will. I want to experience the fullness of His promises. Help me, Lord, to be available to You.